Family Life in Islam The late Imam Apha-Him Jobe served on the ICNA National Shura. He was widely known across Muslim communities in North America for his taqwa, humility, knowledge, and wisdom. Born in Gambia, he was educated at Ummul Qura University in Makkah, Saudi Arabia. He passed away in a car accident in 1997 on his way to an ICNA Educational Retreat in Atlanta, GA.
Actively aiding Muslim communities and Islamic organizations across the continent, his works will continue to inspire generations of Muslims and non-Muslims alike, InshaAllah. May Allah grant him Paradise. Ameen.
The topic of this article is Nizam-ul-Qusra-fil-Islam, which means “family life in Islam”. Let us picture a triangle with the husband at the highest point of the triangle, the wife and children on the other two points. This triangle is a very important triangle in life that consists of three members in one home. The origin of the family goes back to the beginning of the creation of Adam (pbuh). Adam, the father of the human family, and his wife Howa were the first family. Allah (SWT) says in Surah Al-Nisa, “O mankind, be mindful of your duty to your Lord, who created you from a single soul and from that soul, he created its companion and from the tooth he created countless men and women” (Al-Quran, 4:1). Allah is explaining to us the process of creation with Himself being the only one who supervises that process.
We as Muslims have to be careful of how to maintain family life because, without the family, we cannot establish our social life. Family is the fundamental unit of our social life, which is founded on principals drawn by Shariah.
Family has many functions to perform in the life of individuals and in society. Family is not only for the purpose of procreation, but has objectives for preservation and continuation of the human race as well. Procreation must have an established structure to come into operation, but if we do not establish the structure, we are going to have chaos in the operation. To operate the family, men and women and children are all in need of a permanent and lasting institution in order to fulfill their duties. To fulfill these duties, we need an institution called a home, or manzil, where one can dwell in relaxation, calmness, and security, and with this home, we need a leader to help establish family life.
The Husband
The leader of the household is the man in the family. A man has to be a husband before he introduces himself as the leader of the house. At the top of the triangle, he must have a companion, so in search for a companion, he must descend the hill. His coming down is a noted gesture or signal of harmlessness, because he has reached out to look for his mate. He cannot live life up there in isolation and arrogance.
A man also must be a husband before he can become a father. He is the father who is appointed by Allah (SWT) to be the protector and maintainer of the family. Allah (SWT) says in Al-Quran in Surah 2, ayah 24 that men are the protectors and maintainers of women. However, a man must have high character to be the protector, security guard, and maintainer of the family. He has to acquire the characteristics of a “Qauwaam”, which signifies a person who takes the responsibility of safeguarding the interest of all people. “Qauwaam” is not just being the husband, but it is taking responsibility for safeguarding the entire family.
Man, who is at the top of the triangle, has a duty to build the house that will be the center of family life. Men have to build the institution, which includes not just the physical structure, but the relationships and psycho-emotional stability of the family. Other important parts of the building are kindness and love. If there is no love, there is no family, because love is the root of sincerity. It is not enough to just love oneself, but a person has to share love by loving Allah and loving everyone for Allah. The Prophet (pbuh) said if you love, love for Allah; if you hate, hate for Allah. Then hate, love, kindness, and psycho-emotional stability must be established for Allah in the family as a firm, stable family building. An issue with stability is that we are living in a period of cultural crisis where one can see community life today founded on race, birth, tribe, and geography. But, if we check Al-Islam, community life is based on the unity of purpose, not based on color or race. These are three fundamental bases: Unity of Purpose, Love, and Faith. So, it is important to love faith, because race, language, and place of birth are rational in nature, but not a fundamental base for the building of a family.
The Wife
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